I Wanna Frext You Up!

No matter your size, orientation, gender or space-occupied-on-the-spectrum-of-‘human’, I’d bet good money you’ve felt insecure or less-than-confident at some point in your time on this planet.

I’d also wager that you’ve solicited a compliment from a friend.
Embarrassed?
Don’t be!

Fish for those compliments, baby!

I stumbled upon an article a couple of weeks ago describing a new trend (or, rather, a thing that many of us do / have done at some point and just now has had a catchy name attached to it): “frexting“.

Essentially, instead of sexting that random person (who might not appreciate it OR might share it with the world) send them to a close friend, who will tell you you look hot. Only send PG or PG-13 rated pics, obviously.

Frexting etiquette includes replying with positive Emojis, including but not limited to the little fire, a cat with hearts for eyes and clapping.

While there is the immediate gratification of “Hey, gurllll you look HOT in that!” that comes from sending your best friend a picture of you in that new swimsuit you were terrified of purchasing, it extends so much further beyond the immediate. Frexting opens us up to our most trusted allies – our girlfriends/bros, our platonic (and you’d damn well better be sure they’re platonic unless you want to see Vesuvius reenacted by your significant other) friends of the opposite sex, our partners – and allows us a moment of vulnerability that is almost certain to be rewarded with support, praise, and kudos.

When we start opening ourselves up to those closest to us, and we receive those compliments and encouragement, it increases our confidence. Personally? When I know my best friends have my back – whether regarding a major life decision or a sexy dress for date night with my honey – my confidence level is at a +500!

Shouldn’t our value come from within?

Um… yes! Yes, it should! And in an ideal world, or one where you have never had to defend your choice to wear vertical stripes in public / show some skin / wear a bikini when the world can see your chubby roles / rib cage / scars, that internal valuing system (i.e. self-confidence) would be much easier to grow and rely on. I say we should cheer each other on in our pursuits. For women, at least, the majority of the time we dress up is to impress… other women. Why not cultivate that desire into something healthy, something that helps build up our self-confidence? We are co-opting a method of communication that is typically used for on purpose (sexting), and instead turning it into bonding. When our friends tell us we’re gorgeous, hilarious, sexy, stunning, a catch… we believe them, because we trust them. That belief is a seed, and that seed can grow into something amazing.

After posing the “Have you heard of ‘frexting’?!” question on Facebook, my friend, Heidi, sent me this gorgeous picture online:

This is a picture from a wedding gift she made for her new husband, M., and she sent it over to me with seemingly no reservations. My response?

Not only was I being honest (LOOK AT HER SHE IS THE GORGEOUSNESS), but I was so freaking proud to be her friend in that moment. She was brave, she was open, and she allowed me the chance to be a true friend and praise the bejeebus out of her.

Safety in (phone) numbers

Frexting lets me feel attractive and safe simultaneously – a rarity for a plus-size girl who has had this thought more than once:

Sexting, Frexting, Texting… don’t let your size dictate your message.

I love knowing that I can send a sexy, flirty picture (whether out of humor, soliciting advice, or needing a compliment) and just get to enjoy my sexuality and freedom without worrying whether my dateability or ‘worthiness’ is being decided by the (wo)man on the other end of the conversation. No swiping left! No “______ read your message at 1:52PM 3 weeks ago”! No horrible, crushing, “Oh, um… yeah, I don’t do fat girls” replies. No drunken revenge-porn apocalypse of 2015.

So… have you frexted? What are your thoughts? What have you enjoyed about it, or what is holding you back?

**click**
– Krystal